Over the last few months the subject keeps emerging for me, the idea of emotional investment. After looking at the Internet, and scanning for ideas. I found that the concept of “emotional investment” seems to be quite ambiguous. So I thought I would emotional investment_ Eleos counsellingwrite, what I feel emotional investment is. This is not a definitive concept as I’m thinking about this further, the concept seems to grow over the next few months I will be elaborated on this, on this blog.

We don’t have to be related to, or be in love with, but there does have to be some form of relationship or “bond point”, in which you start investing.  An example can be a house where you may have memories, good or bad. For instance, Christmases spent together, as a family, where you felt you are happy and safe.

At this point I would like to introduce the concept of “negative and positive emotional investment”. Using the example of the house, having positive and negative emotions attached to a house. For instance, a negative emotional investment, could be, Christmases spent together, where the family did not get on, argued  and generally disagreed, where things are said and done, you have had a hard time forgetting. You can see that you have invested some form of emotion into this memory and an anchor point or “bond point” you established with the house. Effectively you can feel emotionally invested in the house, even though it is an object, emotions took place in the house, at a point in time, and thus you have an emotional investment in the house.

Also, there could be a great deal of regret of other emotions attached to emotional investment, such as guilt, shame, longing, regret, and also the idea which Spinelli speak’s of “un- knowing”(Spinelli, 2009); where we regret or mourn the loss of not knowing the possibility of choosing another way: if we think about following a different path, at a key moment in life; If we had chosen another partner, or that job, would life be different.

If we now think of the concept of “emotional investment”, in people. To emotionally invest in someone involves a process, that process can start almost from the minute you meet them. Furthermore, it can have negative or positive emotions attached to it the moment, you start investing. If we think of a lover or romantic relationship, from the moment you start any form of engagement. For instance, even looking at them  across a room, you are investing some form of emotion in them. For instance, an openness, and interest in them as a person, all involves emotional investment. Moreover, after they have gone, and you are on your own with your thoughts. You are making even an even bigger investment.


I will be adding to this blog in the next few days and would be interested in your thoughts about emotional investment.





Spinelli, E. (2009). Tales of un-knowing: Eight stories of existential therapy. Ross-on- Wye  PCCS Books


Video games really do affect children



With Christmas comes the onslaught of various new video games and video game consoles, with each manufacturer and software house adding more  incredible realism ,year-on-year, to their games. In fact, one game uses a computer-generated Hollywood actor as part of the action. As technology becomes cheaper and more accessible, gaming graphics become more lifelike with stunning HD and now 4K, game graphics appear almost lifelike. It’s only a matter of time before gameplay become indistinguishable from real-life, it’s only an issue of computing power, and that is becoming cheaper. Unfortunately, there is a downside, as these graphics become more realistic, is it desensitising young people. A research study found that ,on average, gamers are playing these games up to 8 to 16 hours a day and researcher shown it has a startling effect.

A research paper(a meta-study) by Iowa State University compiled by Anderson and Bushmen looked at all research and came out with a startling conclusion stating that exposure to video games in college aged individuals heightened levels of aggression. There was one caveat to that statement that this research was only carried out on college-age students, it does not take into consideration younger adults who’ve been playing these games. The paper mentions an interesting fact, that the two students, which were involved in the Columbine high school massacre, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold  were themselves gamers. This is not to say that every child will turn out to be a perpetrator of mass violence, but one interesting fact was noticed that Harris created a customised version of the game Doom with two shooters, extra weapons and unlimited ammunition and victims that could not  fight back, features which are strikingly real, to the actual shootings.

The report stated that 90% of parents never checked the rating of a video game before allowing the purchase, with only 1% of the teen’s parents actually preventing the purchase based on the rating.

Fundamentally, the days of cute cartoons playing games are well and truly over, with more realism added each year, as technology becomes cheaper.

Finally, the report states that exposure, to violent video games, is positively linked with aggressive effects and psychological arousal; there is a relatively small amount of research carried out on the long-term effects on young adults, who play video games, Which is surprising, as young adults are playing these games for extended periods and in some cases without any adult vetting, or supervision.



Self harming boys rises in England

A BBC News article, revealed that there has been an increase in the number of young boys admitted to hospital for self harm.

The article went on to say that these figures could be much worse because the secret nature of self harm has, and that young boys are less likely to come forward with issues of self harm due to them seeing self harm as a predominantly female issue.  A spokesman for UK website SELF harm got.co.uk suggested the children were likely to be influenced by what they saw on the Internet.images (3)

The World Health Organization is due to release a report in 2015 which is expected to show an increase in the number of teenagers who are self harming; experts expect this level to have tripled over the last decade in England.

In the autumn statement, this month, the coalition government announced it would in investment £100 million in mental health care for young people, over the next five years. The government intent is to make it easier for young people to access specialist help in their community.

Speaking in the report the care minister Norman Lamb said “Self harm  was a sign of serious emotional distress and is critical that young people get the help they need”

One of the suggestions in the report of the schools must do more, to help students, which is self harming. 6,000 teenagers, with some as young as 11 were included in the Health Behaviour in School Aged children report.  Which cited that 22% of the 15-year-old sampled said that they hurt themselves on purpose. With 43% said saying a self harmed once a month.


DECEPTION #1: I can quit whenever I would like

Perhaps you could, perhaps you can’t more likely you are unable to. But this is just a justification to keep drinking. The realisation is you don’t want to stop. Say to yourself that you simply can give up at any time is tends to make you feel  as you can manage your drinking , regardless of all the evidence towards the contrary. In spite of the damage that is being  done for your physique as well as your close Alcohol_Addiction_by_hasenfurzrelationships.

DECEPTION #2: My consuming is a problem for me, but nobody is affected, I am only hurting myself.

The reality is the decision to keep up consuming is your decision. But fundamentally you’re playing the deception card. If In the event you think you’re not hurting people around you you’re quite mistaken. Alcoholism affects families, and close relationships, in brief, your issue is anyone close to you.

DECEPTION #3 : I only drink on weekends, consequently can’t be an alcoholic, and I only drink wine or beer so I can’t possibly be an alcoholic can I?

Alcoholism isn’t defined by everything you drink, what time you consume it, or actually how much you consume. It’s the impact of the consumption of alcohol has on you, that defines an issue. If drinking causes you or the people about you  a problem-if you’re consuming daily or only at weekends, drinking, rough cider or vintage Bollinger, the results are the same and when those effects are problematic for you have  a problem with alcohol.

DECEPTION #4: I’m able to hold down a Job so I can’t be an alcoholic can I?

You don’t need to be a homeless drinker to become an alcoholic. Numerous people with liquor problem managed to carry down work, provide for their households and get to school. Irrespective of your status as a high functioning alcoholic it doesn’t mean you are not placing yourself in danger or other people.

DECEPTION #5: Alcohol is not a drug

Alcohol is definitely a drug, actually  it is every bit as harmful as any drug addiction. Alcoholics undergo a physical withdrawal once they stop consuming much like each other drug consumer.


If you or somebody you know has an alcohol addiction and would like help, you can go to www.Eleoscounselling.com.



Manage your Anger at Christmas

As we move towards at Christmas 2014 it would be a good time to look at what happens when we are hot housed with relations over Christmas. The fact is that most was the lead busy lives and Christmas can be a time for catching up with friends and family, but can also be a time of great stress. Not only is there more financial stress, but there is the annual problem of what to say to Auntie Doris, who seems to have an opinion about everything.

I won’t be going into how to save money, but rather how to save relationships. In the last quarter of 2013 there was a 15.5% rise in the victim’s suffering domestic violence, a comment made by police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe, who said that Christmas could be linked with an increasing domestic violence: in Christmas 2013 violent injury as a whole raised by 5.4% compared with the same quarter in 2012. Another comment made by Sandra Horley, Chief Executive domestic violence charity Refuge said that domestic violence has risen because of secrecy and no one knows the true extent he just how much domestic violence takes place in the UK.

So, on a whole Christmas is a time when anger often rears its ugly head for some people. Below are 5 tips on how to keep your anger at bay over Christmas.108126336

  1. Try using “I” statements : when you become upset. Owning what you’re feeling is a powerful way of transmitting to others just how upset you are. Instead of using  “accusation of statements” such as “you should not of done that”, “You make me feel” owning your own feelings with “ I” statements can help others understand just how upset you actually are.
  2. Changing the environment: if you always have Christmas lunch in the same environment, such as your family, home, and it always seems to be a row over lunch, changing the environment can sometimes help to calm tempers: The thought here is we don’t how environment were on their best behaviour.
  3. Watch how much you drink: mixing alcohol with frustration will often lead to angry outbursts. Alcohol is depressants, therefore it suppresses self-regulation. Saying how you feel under the influence is sometimes a recipe for disaster. So maybe try things like mocktales (nonalcoholic cocktails) to help lower the alcohol consumed: There’s a link to this at the bottom of the page.
  4. Remove yourself in a when things get tough: removing yourself from a difficult situation is often the best way of suppressing your frustration. Taking a walk before Christmas lunch is often the best way of increasing your endorphins, this will have a calming effect on your body.
  5. Don’t overspend: overspending can cause all sorts of problems, not only at Christmas. Sticking to a budget will often help your frustration levels long-term, also stop those nasty credit card bills in the New Year.





That makes me mad!!!!!

Within contemporary culture, It would be an unusual individual who didn’t know what anger actually. Anger is usually a normal, adaptive reaction to dangers; it provokes potent, quite often hostile, emotions and thoughts and additionally behaviours, which enable you and me to fight and also to protect yourself, anytime we have been attacked. A small amount of anger, is vital to your survival. Our own cave living ancestors  would have been  aware of exactly what anger is when they were threatened by a wild animal or perhaps anytime a rival stole his or her meals. It’s a normal response.

However, we’re not able to actually lash out in our society at every man or woman or object which annoys or irritates you; procedures, community rules, and common good sense places limits on how far108151210 our anger can take us.

Men and women make use of a selection of both unconscious approaches to cope with their angry feelings. The two significant methods tend to be to talk about, suppressing, as well as a tension relieving. To talk about one’s own angry reactions within an assertion, not aggressive, way stands out as the perfect strategy to convey anger.

To begin this, you should learn to describe what your needs are, and how to get them satisfied, without abusing other individuals. Becoming assertive does not imply appearing exceedingly aggressive or maybe demanding; this means being respectful with all by yourself and others.

Anger is usually concealed, and then changed or redirected. Normally, whenever you hold a person’s anger, stop thinking about it, while focusing on a specific thing positive. The aim should be to help slow or hold back ones own anger along with converting it into significantly more beneficial behaviour. The danger in this type of solution is that if it isn’t enabled external manifestation, your own anger is capable of turning internal,on one self. Anger transformed inwardly will cause stress, hypertension, depression symptoms, and in many cases a profound a feeling of paranoia whenever you really feel the planet is against you.

Unexpressed anger can establish other problems. It can cause pathological expressions of anger, for example, passive-aggressive habits (getting back at individuals indirectly, without the benefit of letting them know why, rather than dealing with them head-on) or possibly a character that appears constantly skeptical in addition to hostile. People who are constantly putting other people down, criticizing almost everything, and additionally making skeptical feedback.

Having come to understand techniques to productively express their very own anger.Eventually, you are able to calm down inside. This means not just determining your outward thinking, but also managing your inner behaves, taking steps to reduce your pulse rate, calm yourself down, in addition to permit the emotions diminish.