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How do I help somebody who is living with an addiction? Part II

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As mentioned in our last article thinking. again, of how one views addictions can, indeed help the person you love and want to help. Thinking of addiction as a compulsive behaviour rather than a disease or a character flaw can reap benefits when trying to help somebody with an addiction. An addict is not blind, a significant amount of the time they feel ashamed and guilty of what they’ve put their loved ones through. Someone with an addiction will convincingly tell you they are trying to stop or will never drink or do their addictive behaviour again, but will often do their behaviour nevertheless. On the surface, this looks like an outright lie, but at the heart of it, they are trying to stop. Often, the drive to relieve psychological pain it too much great; thinking of addiction as just a bad habit is a wrong assumption.

Another assumption often made, by people trying to help an addict or someone with a compulsive behaviour that if they try hard enough, they can fix the person with the addiction. Often this will cause the addict to lie about their addiction all the more, this lying is a source of shame, causing more psychological pain pushing them more and more into that addictive behaviour.

Something to  bear in mind, for anybody helping somebody with an addiction, is that guilt and shame are powerful drivers for addictive behaviour. Furthermore, if the addict, is lying that does not mean that they no longer love you or respect you. Fundamentally lying is a part of addiction. Often, addictions are driven by a powerful and necessary drive to fight against a sense of helplessness.

A way of understanding this is to imagine a person trapped in the cave, and battling out of the cave with a broken wrist. This is not self-destructive is just a sense of overwhelming powerlessness and the need to battle, that helplessness.

This article originally appeared in counselling directory

 

How do I help somebody who is living with an addiction?

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Looking addiction in a new way, one would realise that the idea of “tough love” makes little or no sense. If it were so easy for a person to stop an addictive behaviour, after “a good talking to” there would possibly be nobody with an addiction in this country. Furthermore, if addictions were some bad habit or even some form of moral weakness, it might make sense to give the person “a good talking to”. In fact, this becomes sensationalist television in the US. One only has to look at YouTube to find various “fly on the wall” documentary series of families of people with addictions, trying to help them. Indeed, one could say this is the worst form of sensationalist television. If a person was lazy or unfocused giving them a good kick up the back side may work, but unfortunately doesn’t a great many times.

If I could ask, you take a different view of addictions a look at this, not as a bad habit, a moral weakness, genetic fault, or some personality trait but looking at addiction as a psychological compulsive behaviour.

Indeed, traditionally, addictions are never considered as a compulsive behaviour, such as compulsive washing of hands, cleaning, exercising or even compulsive shopping. However, looking on these, forms of actions, as emotionally driven behaviours in an effort to manage particularly challenging feelings, may shine a different light on how one can help someone with an addiction.

Dr Lance Dodes MD, director of substance abuse treatment centre at Harvard Maclean hospital, suggest that our traditional view of dependencies needs to change if we were to help someone struggling, with an addiction. Furthermore, he suggests that the psychological drive to be free of pain and be liberated from the sense of helplessness, is a driver behind all addictive behaviours.

This blog originally appeared in counselling directory

 

Exercise improves mental health

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Ladies Doing Exercise in the 1920s_eleoscounselling_depressionuk

What the experts say

Relaxation is good for the mind; it helps de-stress. But going to the gym can have a similar effect. The BACP, the British Association for counselling and  psychotherapist, issued a statement last year stating that people who exercise three times a week are less likely to suffer from depression. Furthermore, if one does suffer from depression exercising three times a week can have a marked effect on any recovery.

The bodies antidepressant

 

It is a well-known fact that the brain produces its own antidepressant endorphins or happy hormones. Endorphins are a powerful antidepressant with no’s side effects.

The Royal College of psychiatrists has an interesting web-page ;I have put a link to the bottom of this page.

Their findings suggest that exercising helps you sleep better; you be less anxious and able to concentrate as one of the many benefits of regular exercise.

Anybody who exercises regularly  will know the enormous sense of well-being one gets and the feeling of being more energetic.

Benefits for people with PTSD

There is evidence to suggest that, when one focuses on one’s body when exercising this helps your nervous system become more mobilized. Having a nervous system stuck in neutral is one of the symptoms people with PTSD often report.

Paying attention to one’s body and the way is working and being aware of one’s muscles joints, and movement is one way of putting the nervous system back into gear.

There is no suggestion by any of these leading authority that one should go out and start running marathons. If you don’t have time 10 to 30 minutes of exercise regularly, certainly have major benefits to your mental health.

Often having a negative self-image is one of the symptoms of depression. Exercise not only has physical benefits, but there’s also a sense of being more in touch with one’s body, through the process of physical exertion; one notices one joint more, muscles.

Support system

In the height of depression,  it is often said one feels that one cannot face the world. Exercising alone can have its benefits, but what if one starts to exercising groups, there’s the added advantage of meeting new friends and thus increasing your support network, to help you in those times when you cannot meet the world.

 

One of the fears people who suffer from panic attacks is breathing heavily, so some forms of exercise may increase certain anxieties. This doesn’t mean that one cannot take regular exercise. Yoga, tai chi, and mindfulness meditation, also play their part in increasing your well-being.

 

 

Now that summers here it’s time to dust off those running shoes, put on some Lycra, and exercising at least three times a week.

Maybe it’s time to live life like every day was our last?

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eleoscounselling_making each day count

Life with purpose.

Undoubtedly, Prof Stephen Hawking has one of the most brilliant minds. He has often been compared to Albert Einstein. Unfortunately, Prof Hawkins has a degenerative disease called motor neuron disease, which is left him virtually paralysed, his famous talking computer has become his voice, and is now instantly recognisable because he is now unable to speak. Fortunately, technology has given Prof Hawkins a way of communicating his brilliant thoughts to the world. Nevertheless, before he became ill, he described his life as pointless, that’s right! Before he became ill, Prof Hawkins, one of the most brilliant minds, to have lived, called his life pointless.

It has been well documented that he drank too much and did very little work, but on discovering that he had perhaps a few years to live Prof Hawkins suddenly became focused, his life suddenly had a meaning.

The meaning of life?

Victor Frankel a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps and eminent psychotherapist, in his book man’s search for meaning says this “for the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day-to-day and from hour to-hour what matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning for a person’s life in a given moment”.

One can often lose touch with what life actually is. If we lived each day as if it was our last, the simplest things would have more meaning. We often overlook the most important things in life in pursuit of personal goals such as money in the bank, a bigger house, bigger car, and a glittering career.

 

If we were to live as each day was our last, the laughter of the child, a beautiful sunset, the company and love of friends and family or just walk in the woods, would have so much more meaning. It is often said, that the most miserable people in the world those who believe that they have an entitlement; that life owes them something. On close observation, a person like this never seems to be happy, because they never believe they are getting what they deserve.

 

The Dalai lama in his book the Art of Happiness makes an interesting comment saying that the “true antidote for greed is contentment”.

 Making each day count.

As we come to the close of the year, maybe it’s time to consider what things are precious to us, it is often at New Year that we re-evaluate our lives, and make resolutions for the New Year, perhaps one of those could be making each day count?

 

Is it time you de- stressed ?????

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Christmas; a tifogme for re-evaluation, and de-stressing?

Christmas and New Year is often a time when we take a good look at what happened the previous year. Also, it’s a time when we rest, and spend time with our family. But for some this is not so.

As we fast approach the Christmas season, we thought it may be good to look at tiredness, and how there are two distinctive types.

The two types of tiredness are not too dissimilar to different types of clouds, the large clouds you see on a sunny day, or spring clouds bringing rain. The other is the type of cloud that predicts a storm front or sometimes bad weather, high winds, and all too frequent hurricane force winds.

The first type of tiredness is normal, it’s temporary and it comes after you finished a good job. Furthermore, after a time of rest, you bounce back ready to go again.

The other type of tiredness is a type of chronic fatigue, this builds up over many months, of stress and strain. Unfortunately, this type of fatigue doesn’t manifest itself as exhaustion. In fact, it is often masked by frantic activity, alongside impulsive behavior. Here are some of the signs to look out for.

Six warning signs that you’re stressed, and need to rest.

 

 

  1. If You or someone you know is finding it difficult to relax over a meal or coffee. They may be a sense that the person has to get on with something, but seems to lack direction or planning.
  2. If You or someone you know is finding themselves checking and rechecking emails, constantly looking, at their mobile phone tablet or laptop.
  3. If Your office desk, or workplace is piled high with literature, that you are about to read, designed to keep, you or someone you know one step ahead of their competitors, but it never seems to get read.
  4. If You or someone you know is not having time off, as it seems impossible to have a break or they may be constantly keep putting off having days off work.
  5. If You or someone you know may be having trouble sleeping.
  6. If You or someone you know, has spent any time “escaping” this may be drinking, eating too much mind sitting watching television.

If any of this sounds familiar? Then maybe it’s time you took some time off and re-evaluated.

 

Stresses is like boiling a frog

 

The truth is that stress is rather like boiling a frog, if a frog is put in a boiling pan water, it will jump straight out. The frog knows it’s hot and has enough sense to jump out of the boiling water. But if you put a frog lukewarm or tepid water, put it on the stove and slowly turn the gas up the frog and stay there till its boiled alive.

Stress can be quite like this, sometimes we don’t know we’ve been stressed or tired until we have a break.  Sometimes we can be poisoned by the belief that we are doing good things by working hard, but actually there is a point of diminishing odds.

 

Overindulging at Christmas: is your brain fooling you?

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overindulgence at Christmas_eleoscounselling blog

 

 

As we are fast approaching the season for overindulgence, overeating and over consumption of alcohol. We thought it would be good to look at how food alters your mood.

Latest research in mood and food

 

It has been well recognised and researched, that certain foods, can alter your mood, but how much of that is actually true? In recent research published by Prof Kathy Magnusson at Oregon State University.

Prof Magnusson’s research has found that feeding animals, a sugary diet can cause changes in their gut bacteria, Prof Magnussen found that there is a direct correlation to cognitive ability- the ability to adjust to changing situations, and diet.

The significance of this is important, as your gut bacteria, actually weighs as much as your brain. It has been postulated that these microbes can actually affect your mind. Research carried out, using rats and mice, found that when rodents were fed a particular food type (a broth), containing a microbe that is linked to reduced signs of stress and anxiety It was found that the mice show less signs of stress, the more signs of well-being; this particular microbe is known to release an anti-anxiety neurotransmitter GABA.

Two reward systems, in food consumption: one based on mood the other based on want

Scientists have found that we have two basic systems, regarding food one of them is hunger, the other one is reward, the hunger system, is generated by hormones from your gut, and from fat cells, which sends information to your brain, telling your brain that you are hungry. Conversely, the reward system is more concerned with the type of food you eat, the key to this is a dopamine pathway which seems to respond more strongly to foods which are high in fat and sugar, scientists postulated this is because historically, certain types of food would only be available at certain times of year, and the and sister would stock up on, high calorific foods knowing that it would be unavailable later on in the year. Unfortunately, our modern environment, has an abundance of such types of food high in fat, sugar and calories. When studied in an MRI scanner, researchers found that certain areas of the brain light up when certain foods are offered, these are usually high in calories and thus greater activity in the brain’s reward center.

Do your genes predict that you will be obese?

An interesting byproduct for these studies, is that scientists now have discovered that the hunger and reward system are not too dissimilar, as there is now a growing awareness of how interconnected they are. Genetics has a lot to do with, our propensity to overeat, maybe something to do with a gene called FTO; strongly linked with weight gain. Scientists predict that there is a 70% increase in becoming obese should this gene be present in a person.

 

 

A recent study also showed that people with a higher level of a hormone called ghrelin, which is released by the gut, when we become hungry, also has a great deal to do with increased weight gain. The study found that, an increased level of this hormone, tells the brain that you’re still hungry, even after you’ve eaten.

MRI studies of this group, with increased levels of hormones, of found something quite startling, in that, this group of people’s brains responds differently when they show pictures of food, with increased activity in the reward area of the brain; the reward pathways and these people have been shown to be weak. Thus the drive to seek out more and more food.

Think again before overindulging

So, at this time of overindulgence, is interesting to bear in mind whether you are actually hungry or not, or is your brain fooling you.

 

 

The true cost of couples/relationship therapy

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On average 120,000 couples divorce, in the UK every year. This would be no surprise to most, but what if those couples had gone to couples therapy, before they started legal proceedings?

MAN AND WOMAN ON COUCH, OPPOSITE SIDES

MAN AND WOMAN ON COUCH, OPPOSITE SIDES

The financial cost of divorce and the price of couple’s therapy

 

The cost of the court alone is £340, with legal fees averaging around £1200, and that’s if there’s no property involved. This figure can escalate if the couple, argue about parental access and who sees the children when and where, and who owns what as far as property is concerned.

On average couples therapy will cost £60 a session. You may say this is expensive, but looking at the cost above, one would say that it’s worth a try before you and your husband or wife embark on divorce proceedings.

Often couples do not have what is called irreconcilable differences, just a difference of opinion. This easy to forget when lawyers get involved that the couple once loved each other, and thus could fall in love again, with each other.

Simply talking to someone about your relationship.

Is often found in couple’s therapy that simply talking to someone that’s not emotionally involved and is non-judgemental, helps the couple to think clearly about their relationship, and map out a new direction going forward. Furthermore, if the couple and up splitting often, therapy allows for all the unfinished business, the couple may have, to be aired.

Of course, if there are children involved, then there’s the emotional wrench of one of the partners leaving the family home, it would be unjust and unfair to put a value on this, but the emotional pain alone, could be avoided, may be, if the couple came to couples therapy.

 

Returning back to the financial cost, simply doing the maths, if the couple were to have six sessions of couple therapy at £60 per session that’s £360, if a couple get divorced the court fees alone are £340. In the cold light of day, it is surely worth giving couples

therapy a chance.

How long does couples therapy take?

It may be that the couple stay longer, in therapy than six sessions, anecdotal evidence suggests that couples that do have more than six sessions, have a relationship that can be repaired, and differences that can be overcome.

How do I get couples therapy?

If after reading this you feel that you and your partner may need couples therapy, then there are many online directories of local councillors, who can offer couples therapy.

 

 

Why we need sleep, and the science behind not sleeping.

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why we need a good light sleep_eleos blogOne of the natural functions of us as humans, which has puzzled scientists for thousands of years, is why do we sleep? Sleep is an incredibly important part of our biology, and its function is beginning to be revealed by neuroscientists fundamentally, in the past, there are 3 different consensus regarding why we sleep and its function, these are.

  • Sleep helps us restore mental energy

    : This is the idea that we have to restore our energy back to levels which will enable us to function mentally. Recent discoveries are shown this hypothesis to have some validity, in as much as, there are certain genes within the brain that switch on and off neural pathways, when we are asleep. This idea is nothing new in fact it was quoted by Greek philosopher Aristotle.

  • Sleep helps us conserve energy: the idea that we need to recharge our batteries so that we can work the next day. This is doubtful, as there is no real evidence to say that we are saving energy when we are sleeping. In fact, we save about a hundred calories when we are asleep. So there is very little evidence to support this hypothesis.
  • Sleep helps mental health: this hypothesis says that we need to sleep to help us process memories, and makes sense of our world as a whole. There is some validity in this hypothesis. As certain areas of the brain are switched on only during sleep. There is an exciting by-product of this  brain activity, in that after a good night’s sleep, we are able to think more creatively. Neuroscientists have found that we have a threefold advantage in thinking creatively, about a problem, when compared to broken or no sleep.

Sleep is an incredibly important function for us as human beings, and its importance is only now being recognised. The idea that sleep is for wimps, as Margaret Thatcher once quoted, is now itself, to be scoffed at.

 

The effects of sleep of overstretched shift workers

In the nineteen fifties the average person got, on average, 8 hours sleep a night. Today, this is now greatly reduced with the average being one half to 2 hours sleep less. The typical teenager needs around 9 hours sleep a night, unfortunately this demographic falls into one of the worst offenders, for lack of sleep, with the average teenager getting around 5 hours a night, that’s 4 hours less sleep than they need.

Shift workers, are on average, the most sleep deprived people, as when they feel tired, after working a night shift their clock body wants them to wake up. Therefore, the quality of sleep they get is generally very poor.

The effects of lack of sleep have been well documented, particularly in the US, where it is well documented that on average hundred thousand people, each year fall asleep that the wheel of their car.

One of the contributing factors in two of the worst accidents in human history, the challenger space shuttle and the nuclear reactor incident at Chernobyl was sleep deprived shift workers, making catastrophic mistakes.

Physical effects of sleep deprivation; how lack of sleep can really affect your health.

From above information we can work out that most people do not get enough sleep. One of the  ways that we keep ourselves awake, when we should be sleeping is  by using stimulants, the most common being caffeine. Often caffeine is added to with another stimulant nicotine. After staying up all night, it’s then hard to get to sleep because the caffeine in our system is making us stay awake, often people will resort to a sedative the most common being alcohol. This is okay short-term but long-term it can have devastating effects. Unfortunately, alcohol only mimics sleep by sedating the user, it actually harms some of the neuro processing which happens during sleep.

Another factor for loss of sleep is weight gain, if you sleep 5 hours a night, then you have a 50% likelihood that you would become obese. One of the side effects of sleep loss is the increase in the hormone, leptin ghrelin: the hormone that makes you hungry, or increases appetite, this hormone actually seeks out carbohydrates in the form of sugars, so thus increases your likelihood of eating sweet.

Another factor, from lack of sleep, is stress, and with it loss of memory, also suppressed immunity due to your body being stressed.

Another factor for sleeplessness is increase glucose in your blood, after a time you could become glucose intolerant, and thus there is a propensity for diabetes.

There are certainly some studies that show that nightshift workers have an increased cancer risk, due to suppressed immune systems.

Another by-product of sleeplessness is stress on your cardiovascular system, thus increasing your chances of cardiovascular problems.

Overall, poor sleep is bad for you, not only short-term but long-term. What some people don’t realise is it’s not just impaired memory and functioning, but long-term health problems, such as mentioned above.

 

What is the real price of therapy?

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eleos counselling_the real cost of therapyHave you ever wondered about the real cost, of therapy? Or rather how much does it cost if you have a problem and don’t come to therapy, or support your employee in accessing therapy? A recent report by the mental health foundation; the U.K.’s leading charity working with the needs of people with mental health problems, shine some light on this question.

Often as therapists, we are told that we cost too much, with the average price, locally in my area of £50 for a 50 minute session, one would feel quite justified in thinking that that is a reasonable hourly rate, considering the type of training, therapist undergoes, as well as supervision, continuing professional development (CPD and maintaining an ethical and competent practice; all of which are mandatory requirements for psychotherapist /counsellors.

How much does not come to therapy cost the UK?

 

So how much does it cost the UK in a whole not to come to therapy? According to the mental health foundation 3 in every 10 employees, will have a mental health problem, in any one year.  According to the office of national statistics the average small company employs around 250 people. So that is 75 employees each year, in an average small company, with a mental health problem. It’s hard to work out how much productivity is lost, but having 75 of your employees suffering with a mental health problem each year is staggering.

The real cost of mental health!

 

According to the mental health foundation report, stress-related sickness accounts for £4 billion worth of lost revenue, for UK Inc. Of course is hard to really quantify this as many people suffer in silence. Having a mental health problem is not like having a broken leg, there are no visible signs, but there are definitely effects.

If we look at work-related stress, this is more common than one would think, with a recent survey carried out, canvassing 270 company line managers in which 88% of them claim to have moderate or high levels of stress in their work, and with 39% of those surveyed claiming to have an increasing level of stress over the past year. Although stress is a necessary part of everyday life. Without a doubt, some level of stress is good, for us as humans. Moreover, on the other hand, excess stress can be the principal cause of many other health problems, apart from the obvious effects such as, impaired judgement, lack of decision-making and exhaustion, stress can be the start of other health problems, such as depression.

So how does this all relate to therapy, if companies, line managers, and employees were more enlightened into the benefits of the talking therapy generally, this could save companies a great deal of money. One only has to look at the figures above to see this has validity, supporting someone with the cost of therapy, furthermore, this can send a big message to employees, inasmuch as they are would be supported through mental illness, and thus be ready to talk about this more openly, if they feel they can come forward and asked for help, reducing the stigma of mental health.

Simply being heard, by a non-judgemental, compassionate, professionally trained therapist can help people quickly recover from mental health problems.

The real financial cost to therapy?

 

Anecdotal evidence would say that most people generally need roughly 6 to 12 sessions before they feel as if they’re able to cope with the problem, whether that be stress, marital or relational breakup or a recent bereavement or loss.

Simply doing the maths, on average, 12 sessions will cost £600. The loss in productivity, for small companies, for a person who has a mental health problem alone must be double this, if the person with a mental health problem is making mistakes, and having to be carried by other members of his or her team, this could have a knock-on effect, in morale of others around the person with the mental health problem.

In an ideal world companies would have an “on call a professional counsellor/psychotherapist” who would look after the mental health of the workforce.

 

Just doing the maths for an average company of 250 people, 75 of which have a mental health problem, offering them psychotherapy/ counselling for 12 sessions a year would cost on average £45,000

Time to rethink?

Maybe it’s time to rethink our attitudes towards psychotherapy,/counselling?

 

 

 

Queue rage: a 21st-century anger problem?

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Traffic on Upper Woburn Place in London, England

Traffic on Upper Woburn Place in London, England

Have you been in a queue of traffic, you read the signs, you get the right lane, but then there’s always somebody cutting into the lane at the last minute. Does it annoy you? You’re not alone. When you start feeling your temper becoming frayed because of someone pushing in line, this is an example of a primary instinct one of suspicion.

So what’s going on when I get angry?

Fundamentally, it taps into, what is often called the 3Rs (resources, relationships and residency) the three primary reasons for the feelings of anger, and often rage in people.

Had does someone jumping queues affect me?

Primarily, jumping queue, is seen as an assault on our resources; basically the road is our resource. This gives birth to what is often called “queue rage”. Dr Richard Larson has spent two decades studying the psychology of people waiting in a queue. Furthermore, he, and his colleagues have found that people don’t mind waiting even for prolonged times, as long as the queue is perceived as fair; first-come first-served. Feeling angry about this goes way back to childhood, remember that kid who was always jumping the queue in front of you and the teacher would not see it and  the dinner lady would certainly not.

Road rage can sometimes get out of hand!

Incidences such as, waiting in a traffic queue can often cause road rage incidences, unfortunately people have died in such rages, when things become out of hand.

 

The feeling of mistrust, is an automatic brain response to unfamiliar people; such is the guy who’s just jumped in front of you, after you’ve waited 20 minutes in line. The survival mechanism of the brain, the limbic system, produces feelings that have evolved over millions of years and are unlikely to go away soon. Although we like to think our brains, as modern, they’re not, they have simply not evolved to trust people, instantaneously.  All you have to think about is your front door bell ringing late at night and somebody making a collection for a not-for-profit group, your response might be is this a scam. We as humans are very adept looking at faces and deciding if we can trust the person wearing the face, although trusted is often felt as instantaneous, it is generated through a complex process that links the feeling part of the brain to the thinking part, of the brain (the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex).

Is getting angry really worth it?

So next time you’re in a queue don’t let your limbic system hijack your feelings. Patients, certainly will win out at the end of the day.