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Obsessed by possessions

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Obsessed by possessions

 

 

It is reckoned that one in 20 people now struggle with the obsession of acquiring possessions. I’m sure you would have seen the pictures, in the national press and programs on popular television, in which people’s houses become so overrun by possessions, so much so, it has become impossible for them to move around in, their own home, due to their inability to let go of, what some my considered to be rubbish.

Hoarding is nothing new

 

This is nothing new, in fact, Dante commented on this in his book the Inferno, written in 1300. In fact, Dante called hoarding the sin of greed; illustrating this in his book, by talking about a pair of souls, which are interlinked into one, grotesque creature. One portion who has hoarded all of life, the other one wasted all of life. Join together, in hell. One side gathers coins, whilst the other constantly spews out coins from his chest. The creature also has a gold mace that it can swing around in a circle, and defend itself, when it feels threatened.

What the scientists say about hoarding

Hoarding is only just been differentiated between obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Studies of brain activity carried out by David Tolin at Yale University, School of medicine, asked participants in his research to hold an object they owned and decide whether they could throw it away. Unlike people with OCD, hoarders show over activity in the anterior cingulate and the insular cortex, areas of the brain; these areas help people make decisions whether something is important, relevant or salient.

This manifests itself as a form of perfectionism, if you have seen any of the reality TV shows on television you may find it hard to believe that, hoarding is a form of perfectionism; reality TV shows will often show years of decaying rubbish, such as papers and magazines, that the hoarder will not throw out.

Tolin, comments that to think of a hoarder is a perfectionist is counterintuitive, to what we normally think, but it in a way makes perfect sense.

Hoarding happens in many civilisations

 

Hoarding does not limit itself to Western civilisation, hoarding actually exists in virtually every civilisation.

If you need help Eleos counselling can help

If you, or anybody close to you, has any of the symptoms of hoarding, then may be psychotherapy and counselling can help.

If you would like to click on the link below to be taken to the Eleos counselling main website, where you will find more information.

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Sticks and stones will break your bones and words will really hurt you: heartbreak and rejection linked to pain centres in brain.

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Psychological painThe old adage sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Has now been a study of research carried out by the University of California, Los Angeles. Research scientists Naomi Eisenberger started looking at the effects of human psychological pain and the influence, psychological discomfort, has on us, as humans.

Words can really hurt.

 

The Eisenberger research looks at the way rejection lingers with us throughout life. An example of this could be not being asked to a friend’s party or included in a friendship group.

Eisenberger and her colleagues’ research, involves using a video game called “cyber ball”; fundamentally, the participants were asked to play a game with three other players, in which all players in the game pass around a virtual ball, but in fact, the participants are not playing with two other players but rather a computer, that is programmed to exclude the volunteer. Participants are observed as the computer stops passing the ball to them. This might seem trivial to some, but some subjects respond strongly, altering their posture in their seats and making rude hand gestures to the screen.

Whilst playing the game, the volunteers are in a functioning MRI scanner. This records the volunteers brain activity and particularly recording activity in dorsal anterior cingulate cortex ( dACC). The research showed that this area of the brain lights up when the participant feels excluded; this region of the brain is known to be of the pain network.

Eisenberger and her colleagues, study showed that the more distressing we find an injury the more the ( dACC), shows activity.

Eisenberger research is confirmed by other studies, that show a link between social rejection and the( dACC). Further research has also found another part the brain called anterior insula also shows activity; this is associated with physical pain.

Painful relationship break ups can leave their scars

Research carried out by Ethan Kross at the University of Michigan, in which the Kross and his colleagues, recruited 40 people who had just been through a relationship breakup within the past six months. Kross’s study involved asking the participants to view a photograph of their ex-partner, whilst plugged into an fMRI scan (a functioning magnetic image residence machine). Kross Research team would then asked the research subjects to think about their relational breakup. After a brief period of time the volunteers were given a painful jolt of heat into their forearm. This allowed the team to compare the two different brain activities, with two different sensations. As one would expect the ( dACC) and the anterior insula both showed activity.

The linking between physical pain and emotional distress, is confirmed by further studies, suggesting that the two experience feed off each other.

One research found out that when people are excluded there more sensitive to pain. One study looked at response people have of being excluded after being burned with a hot probe and submerging their hand into ice water for a minute. The research concluded that we are more sensitive to pain if we’ve been psychologically wounded.

Implications for the future,

 

The implications of this study, could be that patients with chronic pain, are supported more psychologically, as well as the routine of drugs.

Another implication for this is it might explain why certain people find it hard to withstand the rough-and-tumble of their social life with others.

So you think you can read body language?

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Eleos counselling blog_body language

 

It is a common perception that one’s body language can be read, but how true is this?

In a recent article in New Scientist Magazine the author Caroline Williams debunks some ideas, which are commonly held as true.

The assumption that we can read the persons thoughts and emotions by watching their body language, has been in popular culture for many years with many books written on the subject.

93% of all communication is non-verbal or is it?

A good place to start to look at this is an often quoted statistic, that 93% of our communication is non-verbal, with only 7% being verbal.

This is based on research carried out by Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist based at the University of Los Angeles, in the late 60s. During his research, he found that an emotional message, conveyed with a different tone of voice and face expression, had more impetus than the words being spoken, for example the word “brute” in a positive tone, and with a smile was received positively, consequently the tone of voice and facial expression sent a different message, than the words being used. Researchers found, that subjects, could not differentiate whether the message being communicated, was offensive or well-meaning.

Mehrabian, found that subjects tended to believe the non-verbal cues, over the words being used.

Unfortunately for Mehrabian, he has spent the last 45 years, pointing out that he never meant this research to be taken as any kind of fact, Mehrabian, is often quoted as saying that the results of this research, only applied when there were specific circumstances and conditions – when somebody is talking about their likes and dislikes.

An interesting fact was raised in the article, in as much as, that if 93% of communication is non-verbal, we would not have to learn a new language, we could all read each other, consequently, carrying on that thought, language, would become redundant.

Moreover, one of the things that reading body language is often quoted as being helpful for, is to work out whether somebody is lying or not.

You will often hear poker player saying that other players have what is called “tells”; this can be a body movement, a tension in their face, or a nervous fidget, likewise, something as innocuous as rubbing the left side of your face, therefore reading the “tells” can tell another poker player’s opponent is bluffing.

One often misquote example is “all liars, look to the right, when they are lying” but research carried out by Richard Weisman at the University of Herefordshire UK, found no evidence to support this.

In fact, Weisman’s team used footage of police conferences, for missing people with some of the emotional appeals, asking for information, coming from people who were complicit in the disappearance of the person. Closely examining the footage, it turned out that none of the culprits, looked right, any more than any other direction.

As for other so-called “tells”, after studying more than a hundred cases, the team concluded, that the only bodily sign found in liars ,definitely do more, than people who are telling the truth, is have dilutive pupils and certain kinds of fidgeting or fiddling, with objects or scratching.

So how do I spot a liar if you can’t read body language successfully?

In fact, the best way to spot a liar, the study found, was not to watch the person’s body language, but to listen to the inflection on the words they use, the syntax, and what they are saying. The study found that liars tend to talk in a higher pitched voice and gave few details of their account of events and tended to repeat words, and are generally have more negative attitude, in their assessment of events.

In conclusion, the overall research points to good old gut feeling, to spot a liar. g. One obvious problem with body language is that people who tell the truth can exhibit the same body language as those who lie.

 

An interesting spinoff to the subject body language is research carried out by is a TED talk by Amy Cuddy. Also we have commented on this in a previous blog

link

 

 

Do get angry:it can be good for you!

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Anger, is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, than to anything on which it is poured.”
― Mark Twain

 

Do get angry:it can be good for you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What are the benefits of getting angry?

Scientists at Harvard University have recently published research, citing the benefits of anger. In principle they agree with Mark Twain in as much as there are definitely negative effects of anger, but conversely, there are also positives attribute gained from getting angry.

The Harvard university study, that gathered information on emotions of almost 1000 people, nine days after the 9/11 terrorist attack, and came to the conclusion that those interviewed who felt outrage and angered, by the terrorist attack, felt more optimistic about the future, than those who expressed fear of more terrorism. In this context, anger is seen as a positive, inasmuch as, it unites people under a common cause in this case feeling outraged at the terrorist attack. Male participants of the study were shown to have more anger than women, but again were generally found to be more optimistic.

The research found that media coverage of the terrorist attack was reported from a standpoint that would make people angry, and thus less afraid of being hurt by another terrorist attack.

How anger affects   your well-being

Psychologist working at the University of California, Berkeley Dr Brett Ford, whilst studying anger responses in the laboratory found that if research participant was made angry, rather than stress and anxious, they showed a lower biological response, in terms of blood pressure and levels of stress hormones. Ford’s research was added to by Dr Maya Tamir, at the University of Jerusalem. Her findings found that people who tend to feel angry rather than happy, when confronting, someone in a stressful situation, tend to have a higher well-being.

Tamir’s, research revealed that participants who got angry, generally had a higher emotional intelligence; this is counterintuitive to what one would naturally think.

How getting angry  can activate change.

Anger can be looked as a positive force if one considers people such as Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. A good example of this is Rosa Parks, who was ordered to give up her seat in a coloured section of the bus she was riding on  in Montgomery, Alabama, by the bus driver, in order to give it to a white person, because a segregated seating on the bus in the white area was full. Refusing to obey the driver she was arrested. Thus giving birth to the Montgomery bus boycott, which became a symbol of the modern human rights movement. If Rosa Parks had not become angry this may not have happened.

 

 

 

Is individuality dead?

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In a recent New Scientist Magazine, an article, posed a question is individuality dead? The author Alex Pentland, stated in the article, that a study carried out by social scientists, using a smart phone app, found some remarkable results.individuality_peer group_eleoscounselling

Using big data, the study looked at mobile phone habits, credit card purchases, and social media interaction, and came to the conclusion, that the driving force between any adoption of a new behaviour is motivated by the interaction with peers.

The article states that we learn more than we think of our peers, the study postulated that social learning pays an equally significant part in us as humans, as our genes or our IQ.

The next time you abandon instructions for a piece of flat pack furniture, or are trying to learn something complex, such as a piece of software, and instead of reading the instructions, ask your friend to show you how to do it, you are, fundamentally, relying on social learning. It makes sense if you think that learning from somebody, who has already mastered the task, can cut out the arduous chore of using instructions and getting it wrong yourself.

The case in point, how many times do you Google or YouTube something to find out how to do it? I know I do this all the time, as often instructions online is straight to the point, and therefore, show you how to get on with the task in hand. I have recently learned to use formulas within Microsoft Excel, the video instruction was clear, precise, and informative. What’s more, it enabled me to complete a complex graph quickly, I know that if I’d of sat and work through a manual, I may have lost patience, not only with myself, but also with the manual.

 

The study looked at how important individual choices are, compared to shared habits, the researchers looked at patterns of communication and found out that communication is the single most important factor in productivity and creative output. The idea of a collective intelligence is muted in the argument. I do wonder, how much of this will be integrated into the workplace, as it is often the person who shouts loudest gets listened to instead of the quiet person at the back of the room with the bright idea, how many times have you experienced this?

The conclusion of the arguments stated that it was about time we rethought our ideas of individuality, I would argue that some of the greatest individuals on this planet, have been free thinkers and consequently swam against the flow of conventional thinking, if you consider someone like Albert Einstein.

The idea of a collective consciousness is nothing new, the existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard spoke of the herd mentality. Maybe this is what this article is trying to prove.

The silent pain miscarriage

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eleos counselling_miscarriage menA recent article in the Independent paper by Julia Hartley- Brewer, highlighted, an often not talked about issue for men.

The article spoke of the impact of a couple’s miscarriage has, not only on the woman also the man. The article quotes Facebook supremo Mark Zuckerberg and his recent announcement that is wife is expecting a baby, but how the couple has unfortunately suffered three miscarriages.

Zuckerberg was commended for his honesty and bravery of talking about the effects of the couples, three miscarriages, has had on him, in his Facebook posting.

The article is quoted as saying that 25% of men, whose girlfriends or wife’s miscarry, never speak about the grief that they feel, often it’s the fear of upsetting their partner, which keeps them from talking. For some it is the sense of the trauma of seeing their partner bleeding, this in itself, can be overwhelming for some men. These emotions can be compounded by the man’s feeling of powerlessness unable to do anything to help the woman they love.

It is an expected convention that men, simply get over a miscarriage, and life gets on with itself. Often men report returning to work traumatised and unable to cope, therefore, even less likely to talk to colleagues and friends, because often pregnancies in early stages is not often not announced, to friends and family, so the loss becomes even more private.

Men can often put on a brave face when faced with emotional traumas using black humor, as a way of shrugging off, the personal loss.

Hartley- Brewer suggested in her article the best way for men to cope is to see a counsellor.

It’s worth remembering that no matter how rich and famous you are the tragedy of a loss, such as miscarriage, can affect everybody, even the CEO of a multi-million dollar social media network such as Mark Zuckerberg. Grieving the loss of what could have been is natural, this is where counsellor can help.

 

Samaritans suggest and new look at the causes of Male suicide

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depressed man_eleoscounselling_blog pictureA report released by the Samaritans organisation, in June this year (2015), highlights the problem of men turning to alcohol instead of talking about their problems. What is more worrying, according to the report, this increases the risk of suicide.

The Samaritans suggest that the government should reconsider their response to the nation’s unhealthy drinking culture.

It is well known that the biggest killer of men between the age of 18 and 34 is suicide. What the Samaritans are suggesting is that there should be more communication between mental health teams and drug and alcohol teams. Unfortunately, with recent austerity measures, agencies such as drug and alcohol and mental health teams are being cut to the bare bone. The question here is how one gets men to engage, in talking about themselves (fundamentally, how does one get men talking).

An interesting point is raised in the report, commenting that masculinity plays a great deal in the way men see themselves. The report suggests that men will often compare themselves, to their perceived model of what a man should be, often this can be a distorted image, of a man being powerful, white, rich, good-looking, and heterosexual. The reports suggest that when men are not reaching this model, often they can become filled with a sense of shame guilt and ultimately defeat.

Being a breadwinner is often central to being a man, particularly for blue-collar workers. Frequently, the loss of control due to a depressive episode or crisis will make a man feel chaotic, this often, can push men towards suicidal behaviours in an effort to regain some sort of control over their life. Regularly men, searching for relief from the psychological pain and the feeling of loss of control, will seek out substances such as drugs or alcohol, or both, as a way of coping.

Throughout childhood, boys are taught to be a man, looking to his father for guidelines, for how this is. Undoubtedly some of these messages can be, mixed. Furthermore, if the young boy’s father is not around, some of these messages can come from external forces, such as culture, social media or TV.

The report suggests that men in midlife, often seek out their partner as emotional support, suggesting that the man loses support from his peers after the age of 30. The report goes on to say that men traditionally seek out companionship, in doing an activity, but these relationships can often be superficial.

Traditionally, men have a poor view of psychotherapy/ counselling, coming to therapy only in extreme circumstances. This is something that we at Eleos counselling are working very hard to correct.

At the time of writing, unemployment in the UK is higher amongst men than it is amongst women. Traditional jobs, such as manufacturing are changing rapidly, with the onset of new technology. Added to this uncertainty, such factors as zero hours contracts, temporary employment, and for some, self-employment, to name but a few.

Perhaps one of the ways to engage men in any of form meaningful communication regarding their feelings, is to offer group therapy. The idea of self-supporting groups is not a new one, you only have to think of the 12 step program, and the tremendous support that gives, to see this could work, if marketed correctly.

Traditionally, men in the UK are Conservative bunch, the report suggests that men in the UK are caught between the strong silent type and the new man; being able to speak about one’s feelings openly. At Eleos counselling, we are looking at new ways of engaging men in therapy, rather than being reactive, we would like to be more proactive.

If this article has raised questions for you and you would like to talk to someone, then possibly Eleos counselling can help. If you would like to clink on the link below to be taken to the Eleos counselling main website.

www.eleoscounselling.com 

When your anger gets the better of you.

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blog picture_angry farmer_eleoscounselling_ anger managementAnger can be a difficult thing to control, recently at Eleos counselling we are developing an anger management course for young people. We feel this is very important as teaching young people how to control their anger now will reduce the amount of angry incidences, not only in school, now, but later in life, when they have to interact with others, with authority, and form relationships with others.

It’s a fact, the more heated the disagreement, the more our inner pressure gauge goes up this can build up to breaking point, is at this point anger and rage can rear its ugly head.

This reminds me of a short story, I once read, about very religious and God-fearing Quaker farmer who owned a disagreeable cow. Every time he went to milk her it would be a battle of wills.

Early one morning, at milking time, the cow was unusually short-tempered, but the farmer was unwavering in his attitude to ensure the milking session, went, without so much as a bad attitude. As the farmer started to milk, the cow trod on the farmer’s foot with all her bulk. He winced silently, but mumbled under his breath freeing his foot, and then sat back on his stool to milk. The cow, then squished her tail in his face like a long fibrous whip. The farmer just merely leaned away so to avoid the cow’s tail, next she kicked over the milking bucket, by then half full with milk. The farmer started to mutter a few words to himself; but never lost his temper. Once finished with the ordeal of milking this cow the farmer inhaled a sigh of relief, picked up his bucket and stool and as he was leaving, the cow lets off a kick, kicking the farmer against the barn wall, catapulting him 12 to 15 feet. That, unfortunately, did it, the farmer, raised to his full height, walked in front of the cow stared at her big brown eyes and then he shook his long scrawny finger at the face, of the dairy cow, and he shouted, you know I’m a Quaker, but I can sell you to an unbeliever.

It’s not at getting angry, that’s the problem, it’s how we express that anger. Sometimes, that can be inappropriate, telling the boss where to stick his job might cause some relief, temporary, but when you have no paycheck at the end of the month, to pay the bills that may cause you a problem.

If you would like to know more about anger management, then please go to our website at www.eleoscounselling.com

Plug into your virtual therapist?

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An interesting article appeared in the new scientist by reporter Samantha Murphy in the article Murphy suggests that the interactive role-playing game “second life” could offer an innovative way of working for psychotherapists/counsellors. In the piece, Murphy suggests that an avatar; a virtual caricature of oneself, could see clients in a virtual office.eleos counselling_second life_article picture

This may not sound as far-fetched as one would imagine, think of the advantages, the client could log on from anywhere in the world and have a virtual therapy session, at any time of day or night.

The article did make some interesting suggestions, on how this may help clients. One suggestion was working with clients with phobias such as agoraphobia; in severe cases the client would not be able to leave the safety of their own home, but using a virtual space the client could experience what it’s like to be outside, whilst in the comfort of their own home. The article suggests that the therapist may be able to guide the client through stressful environments and help them manage this in virtual space. Effectively, the therapist could create stressful environments and help the client manage this using their avatar (their virtual person).

Another interesting suggestion was that it might be able for the psychotherapist councillor to reconstruct stressful environments for sufferers of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). Here again, the therapist would construct a virtual moment in time and help the client work through this in virtual space. Using virtual reality the client can really work in   the moment and the here and now. With the ability to be able to freeze time, in the virtual world, the therapist would be able to ask the client how they feel at that moment. Of course, how this all looks and how the therapist would hold professional boundaries in this virtual world is yet to be decided. Another factor, to be considered is would people, embrace new technology such as a virtual world quickly, or will this be a passing idea, time will only tell.

This is certainly pushing the boundaries, Eleos Counselling is very interested in embracing new technologies and has done since its inception in 2013. How working in virtual reality will really look like is yet to be seen, but please watch this space and we will keep you updated on our progression into the world of virtual reality.

 

New research looks at depression as a symptom of brain inflammation?

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eleos counselling blog_brainLast week an article published in New Scientist threw a different light onto the subject of depression. Research carried out by the University of medicine in Germany, suggests that depression could be a reaction to an infection, causing the brain to become inflamed.

Although this study was very small research scientists are excited by the results. It is thought that stress may cause an inflammation which spreads to the brain. Although the brain has its own immune system, the blood-brain barrier, it is thought that some infection can go past this and cause cells in the brain’s very own immune system called microglia to kill off neurons.

What is also interesting is that the researchers speculated that Alzheimer’s disease can be a result of microglia killing off brain cells, due to ongoing infection. Research carried out in the UK at Southampton University suggest that an anti-inflammatory drug called Etanercept, which is normally used to treat rheumatoid arthritis, can help reduce some of the symptoms of Alzheimer’s such as poor memory.

One comment made in the article is that categorising depression as a medical problem, rather than a psychological problem, in of itself can cause a stigma for people suffering with depression.

What was not clear from the article is whether depression causes the inflammation or the information causes depression. The article does state that poor diet, obesity, smoking and inactivity can cause an increase in the risk of inflammation. Ironically, a overeating, under exercising, and a bad diet are often some of the things that a depressed person would use to self soothe themselves.

The articled stated that more research needs to be carried out, to make a definite link between depression and inflammation, whether this will result in a new form of treatment for depression, one would have to wait and see.