Tag counselling

When your anger gets the better of you.

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blog picture_angry farmer_eleoscounselling_ anger managementAnger can be a difficult thing to control, recently at Eleos counselling we are developing an anger management course for young people. We feel this is very important as teaching young people how to control their anger now will reduce the amount of angry incidences, not only in school, now, but later in life, when they have to interact with others, with authority, and form relationships with others.

It’s a fact, the more heated the disagreement, the more our inner pressure gauge goes up this can build up to breaking point, is at this point anger and rage can rear its ugly head.

This reminds me of a short story, I once read, about very religious and God-fearing Quaker farmer who owned a disagreeable cow. Every time he went to milk her it would be a battle of wills.

Early one morning, at milking time, the cow was unusually short-tempered, but the farmer was unwavering in his attitude to ensure the milking session, went, without so much as a bad attitude. As the farmer started to milk, the cow trod on the farmer’s foot with all her bulk. He winced silently, but mumbled under his breath freeing his foot, and then sat back on his stool to milk. The cow, then squished her tail in his face like a long fibrous whip. The farmer just merely leaned away so to avoid the cow’s tail, next she kicked over the milking bucket, by then half full with milk. The farmer started to mutter a few words to himself; but never lost his temper. Once finished with the ordeal of milking this cow the farmer inhaled a sigh of relief, picked up his bucket and stool and as he was leaving, the cow lets off a kick, kicking the farmer against the barn wall, catapulting him 12 to 15 feet. That, unfortunately, did it, the farmer, raised to his full height, walked in front of the cow stared at her big brown eyes and then he shook his long scrawny finger at the face, of the dairy cow, and he shouted, you know I’m a Quaker, but I can sell you to an unbeliever.

It’s not at getting angry, that’s the problem, it’s how we express that anger. Sometimes, that can be inappropriate, telling the boss where to stick his job might cause some relief, temporary, but when you have no paycheck at the end of the month, to pay the bills that may cause you a problem.

If you would like to know more about anger management, then please go to our website at www.eleoscounselling.com

Plug into your virtual therapist?

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An interesting article appeared in the new scientist by reporter Samantha Murphy in the article Murphy suggests that the interactive role-playing game “second life” could offer an innovative way of working for psychotherapists/counsellors. In the piece, Murphy suggests that an avatar; a virtual caricature of oneself, could see clients in a virtual office.eleos counselling_second life_article picture

This may not sound as far-fetched as one would imagine, think of the advantages, the client could log on from anywhere in the world and have a virtual therapy session, at any time of day or night.

The article did make some interesting suggestions, on how this may help clients. One suggestion was working with clients with phobias such as agoraphobia; in severe cases the client would not be able to leave the safety of their own home, but using a virtual space the client could experience what it’s like to be outside, whilst in the comfort of their own home. The article suggests that the therapist may be able to guide the client through stressful environments and help them manage this in virtual space. Effectively, the therapist could create stressful environments and help the client manage this using their avatar (their virtual person).

Another interesting suggestion was that it might be able for the psychotherapist councillor to reconstruct stressful environments for sufferers of PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). Here again, the therapist would construct a virtual moment in time and help the client work through this in virtual space. Using virtual reality the client can really work in   the moment and the here and now. With the ability to be able to freeze time, in the virtual world, the therapist would be able to ask the client how they feel at that moment. Of course, how this all looks and how the therapist would hold professional boundaries in this virtual world is yet to be decided. Another factor, to be considered is would people, embrace new technology such as a virtual world quickly, or will this be a passing idea, time will only tell.

This is certainly pushing the boundaries, Eleos Counselling is very interested in embracing new technologies and has done since its inception in 2013. How working in virtual reality will really look like is yet to be seen, but please watch this space and we will keep you updated on our progression into the world of virtual reality.

 

Terminator star says he won’t be back to couples therapy.

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Movies_____Terminator_2_judgment_day-Arnold_Schwarzenegger_086750_It was reported in the London free newspaper Metro that Terminator in  an interview with Arnold.shock jock DJ Howard Stern, blamed his divorce from his ex-wife Maria Shriver on the therapist, that was helping the couple, after the omission that Schwarzenegger fathered a child with the couple’s housekeeper.

Mr Schwarzenegger, cited the experience as totally counterproductive, and how he was convinced by his ex-wife Maria Shriver to see the therapist.

One caveat that Schwarzenegger did add to this interview is that he feels that couple should get help, when they need help.

Fortunately, not all experiences of couple’s therapy are as negative as the terminator stars. Couples often enter relationships with unfinished business from their past, whether that’s childhood wounds or past hurts from a romantic involvement.

Unfortunately, lots of couples try to work out past hurts within the marriage, this in itself causes ruptures which cannot be repaired without professional help.

There is no doubt that couples therapy can save relationships, with divorce rates high, furthermore, statistical evidence supporting, what is commonly felt as an overall increase in divorce. In fact, there are 13 divorces in England and Wales every hour. With half of these divorces happening within the first 10 years of marriage.

And like the terminator star’s own divorce, one in seven divorces, within the UK, cites adultery for the breakdown of the marriage. One harrowing statistics, is that 42% of all marriages will end in divorce.

Couples therapy, gives each member of the couple time to air grievances and unmet expectations, and emotional hurts, in a safe confidential place.

Indeed, like Mr Schwarzenegger’s marriage, infidelity, can be difficult to overcome, for a couple, but with professional help it can become easier.  Having that third person in the room, in the form of the therapist, who is not emotionally invested in the relationship, helping the couple, rather than judging them, can be of enormous help.

 

 

Become a superhero? How your body language can alter how you feel

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Aeleoscounselling_blog_hero recent article in the New Scientists writer William Lee Adams speculated whether self-confidence can be increased. Self-confidence is something that is often thought to be something one has, or one doesn’t. However, social psychologist Amy Cuddy, would disagree, her TED talk, lecture, currently ranks as the second most viewed TED talk. Speaking of self-confidence, Cuddy recommends standing with your hands on your hip and stretching, to increase self-confidence before any stressful situation, such as a job interview. With her mantra “fake it till you make it”. In fact, there is something to be said for the body language of people, especially those people who are depressed.

Researchers found that people who are depressed tend to hunch, as if threatened. Observing primates in the wild, and in captivity, gives rise to the view that spreading one’s arms out, and making oneself big is a dominant/confident position, and thus this is the origin of Cuddy’s hypothesis.

An interesting point was brought up by the article stating that lower status people, whilst amongst friends or in a work environment are always monitoring the higher ranked individuals, in their group. The research suggests that, because of this constant monitoring, an additional cognitive load makes it difficult for them to stay focused and achieve personal goals. This constant monitoring, in of itself can cause more depression, as goals are not met, or fall short of expectations. Research carried out suggested that more confident people have high levels of testosterone and lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It was found that less dominant/depressed people have high levels of cortisone.

Of course, being overconfident can have its downside, a recent radio programme investigating air disasters, stated that because hierarchy is hardly ever challenged, particularly in the work environment, and most notably in airline infrastructure, this in of itself, can cause problems. One of the worst air disasters on record the Tenerife air disaster is such a case. For those who don’t remember the 80s, the crew was asked to go to a holding pattern before landing, the commander took the plane over dangerously high terrain, contrary to the orders from the control tower. It is now considered that if someone had questioned the flight commander, this would not have taken place; this disaster was compounded by dubious instructions from the Spanish air traffic controller.

Clearly, confidence is a complicated issue, too much and problems occur, too little and one can become stressed and thus doesn’t get that killer job one has been looking for.

 

If you’re worried about your self-confidence, there may be psychotherapy can help.

Eleos  Counselling is a  counselling organisation offering counselling, in Crawley West Sussex.

 

 

The sober truth: are you drinking too much?

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This week Alcoholics Anonymous celebrates 80 years of helping people with alcohol problems. The 12 step program originally eleos counselling_alcohol_counselling_12 step program.started by two men stockbroker Bill Wilson and an Akron surgeon merely known as Dr Bob, revolutionised help for people with drug and alcohol problems, the 12 step program has been adopted in many treatment programs, throughout the world.

The 12 step program helped millions of people stay sober. Problem drinking can affect anyone, from any strata of society, from the lowest to the highest jet setting international businessman or woman.

This week the Daily Express highlighted the increase in middle-class, middle age drinking, in women. What is not widely known in the UK is that you are actually binge drinking if you double your units, simply put if you’re double your units that is three units daily for a woman and four units daily for a man, your binge drinking. To ground this in real terms, for a woman if you have eight 125 ml glasses of wine, of 12% proof alcohol you are binge drinking.

This article is not meant to be anti-alcohol rather a plea for more sensible drinking. Alcohol can often help overcome embarrassment, depression, and stressful situations. This can set up a wrong relationship with alcohol, as it can be used as a crutch to help overcome stress, depression and social embarrassment. Using alcohol as a crutch can set up a reliance on alcohol in demanding situations, this could be a beginning of a problem.

The increased rise of home drinking has masked the fact that one could be drinking more than one should, the idea of three fingers of whiskey, is not unheard of as an example of how hard it is to monitor your drinking when you’re just pouring it for yourself, especially after the third glass.

A lot of people justify binge drinking saying that everybody else is doing it, yes everybody is. The increase in people being taken to A&E with drink -related injuries has increased dramatically, and so has the increase in people trying to find help for their drinking.

 

Here are some questions to ask yourself, if you think your drinking is becoming problematic.

  • Have you been missing work because you have a hangover, or to go drinking?
  • Have you driven after you have been drinking?
  • Has close relationships suffered due to your drinking (do you find you are arguing with your partner more).
  • Have you ever tried to give up drinking and those attempts have been unsuccessful?
  • Have you been drinking for long periods of extended time, more than you intended?

If some of the questions about above are yes, maybe you have a problem with drinking.

Legal highs made convicted armed robber a online millionaire?

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This week the tabloid newspapers reported, that a convicted armed robber had been taunting prison guards, by saying that he has become a millionaire through the sale of legal highs, on a website that he has developed. Whether this is fact is hard to determine, legal_highs_eleos counselling blog websitebut it is thought that Craig “lazie” Lynch, the prisoner in question, had access to a smart phone.

What is noteworthy is outside of the prison environment Craig “lazie” Lynch, could easily become a millionaire from the sale of legal highs, and it is only the fact that prisoners are not allowed uncontrolled access to the web, would stop him.

The point missing in this story is the sale of legal highs are on the increase, through such things as the Internet. Indeed, it’s hard to control any e-commerce, which the tragic story of the young girl who died from taking slimming pills,which were  laden with a dangerous drug ,exemplifies.

The fact that legal highs have never been tested, and the physiological and psychological impact on the mind and the body of the user, has neither been researched nor documented.

Effectively, this is what happens, a chemist takes a psychoactive drug, such as cocaine replaces a molecule, in the chemical structure of the drug, and bingo we have a new drug, this new chemical compound is then manufactured, somewhere like China and it is imported into the country as “plant food” and marked up not for human consumption. The effects of removing a molecule from a complex drug like cocaine and replacing it with something else are unknown. Fundamentally, the effects of cocaine are well documented, people have used cocaine for hundreds, if not thousands of years in one form or another. What is not known is the effects of this new chemical compound, brought into the country as “plant food”.

There has been many reports of people having psychotic incidences whilst on the influence of so-called legal highs. Quite literally taking illegal high is like playing Russian roulette with your mental health. Long-term effects of these drugs are not known as they are relatively new. Certainly the effects of drugs like methedrone or meow meow are now known, and this is now on the illegal drug register.

 

If you have a problem with legal highs or someone close to you has then Eleos counselling can help please click on the link below and you will be taken to the Eleos counselling is main website.

LINK  ELEOS COUNSELLING

 

Is it time to rethink addiction treatment protocols in this country?

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A recent article in the Daily Mail, newspaper, has raised the profilealcohol-black-and-white-eleos counselling of treatment for alcohol-related addiction. The article highlighted the case of one woman, in Liverpool who has had several bouts of rehab, and now has stopped drinking due to her deteriorating health.

The story is so so familiar and typifies, how one can easily slide into an addictive behaviour, as a way of coping with life’s pressures. The person in question went from having a few drinks night, to help her fall asleep to a full bottle of vodka and finally to drinking from the moment she got up, in the morning.

It is estimated that treatment for alcohol-related problems cost the UK taxpayer 3 ½ billion pounds last year. Experts have stated that there is an epidemic of binge drinkers in the UK, which is putting the NHS and recovery agencies under enormous stress. One hospital in Liverpool is quoted as saying that they see 20 to 30 people in various stages of alcohol-related health problems, such as oral cancer and liver disease.

One interesting fact to come out of this article is there is little known about the socio-economic effects of so-called binge drinking. It is estimated that binge drinking is costing the UK taxpayer £550,00 an hour.

There are no quick fix solutions in answer to this epidemic, but education at an early age could be one thing we do as parents and adults. Showing young adults and younger, the effects of binge drinking could pay dividends in the long run.

Of course over stressed drug and alcohol agencies have little or no time for such educational, Yet proactive work. Nevertheless, Could it be possibly be a time to rethink our treatment protocols in this country. Incorporating so-called withdraw drugs as well as psychotherapy /counselling, could be one of the ways of helping people on the road to recovery. My own total evidence would suggest that people often want to talk about, and come to terms with some of the damage that they have done whilst they’ve been in the depths of their addiction, unfortunately counselling/psychotherapy is really offered, to help people deal with these fallout effects.

Counselling and psychotherapy can play a large part in the recovery process, unfortunately locally this has to be paid for by the person with the addiction.

My question is, could it be that some of that money (£550,000 an hour) would be better spent helping people in a different way rather than offering at NHS bed in a drying out Ward.

Sending trained professionals into schools to help young adults understand exactly what a unit of alcohol is, and looks like, the effects binge drinking, and the effects of drink -related diseases.

 

Eleos counsellor has been working on a new program,to help children manage their anger. This will be rolled out for the new academic year. We hope in the future to be involved with more educational work, such as helping young people have a healthy attitude to alcohol.

If you have problems with drinking you may like to go to our website

Just click the link below

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Is it time for a radical rethink, on NHS psychological treatments, waiting Lists?

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depression_eleiocounsellingThis morning’s radio fours woman’s hour interviewed the health minister regarding waiting lists for psychological treatments, on the NHS. The Minister promised an improvement, should the current government be re-elected. The Minister responded to claims that there is no choice in psychological treatments and that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT ) is often offered as the only treatment.

The Minister promised that other treatments such as psychodynamic, person centered, and solution focused therapy would be offered as a choice should the present government be re-elected.

Unfortunately, people are generally waiting up to 12 weeks to see the therapist, and then offered anything from 2 to 6 sessions. Research has shown, that it takes up to 4 sessions for a client/patient  to build up a good enough relationship with the therapist.

A spokesman for the Tavistock Institute in London quoted as saying that it takes up to 12 to 20 sessions for a potential client have good enough therapy.

The longer people wait for therapy more risk they are, often people will find a private therapist, which can see them right away. Of course, with private therapy, there’s no limit to the amount of sessions, one can have, if one can afford it.

May be if the NHS were to outsource psychological treatments to the private sector and individual therapists, in private practice, using the vast amount of experienced therapists in private practice, perhaps even local health providers could pay for a proportion of the treatment? Also, the patient or client is able to make an informed choice as to what type of therapy, he or she  has. A point raised in the programme is that, currently, only 10% of therapy is offered on the IAPT scheme are non-CBT.

 

At Eleos counselling, we offer a reduced rate counselling. The clients who are on family tax credit, income support can access psychological treatments at a reduced rate We feel, that this is the way of plugging the gap between the private sector and the therapies that are available, under the NHS scheme. One of the ethos  of Eleos counselling is to offer affordable therapy for anyone who needs it.

 

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Finance clerk runs up £6 million debt, using online gambling.

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Online-Betting (1)

This week the media highlighted the case of the Finance clerk who gambled more than £6 million on online bingo. Jacqueline Balaam was winning  up to £15,000 of time, but continued to gamble, if even after winning these large amounts.

This exemplifies just how addictive online gambling can be. Unfortunately, one of the aspects of online gambling perception is that it’s not real money, but it is.

With the rise of advertising for online gambling, offering enticing incentive to gamblers. This will often hook somebody who is susceptible to a gambling addiction. There are often three phases of gambling addiction. At first there will be the winning phase, little win’s, which will you force, a sense of  security that you have beaten the system somehow, or you are lucky. Then there is the losing phase, which for some, is enough to stop gambling altogether, but unfortunately, for some people, there’s another phase often called the catch up in which you are trying to make good your losses. The full detail of Ms Balaam, gambling, is not known, but there is a good possibility. This is exactly what Ms Balaam, was doing.

People with are constantly bombarded now with advertising on television, online and social media, enticing us to gamble. Unfortunately, the excitement of gambling can be as addictive as any drug. The primal areas of the brain called the limbic system appears to play a major role in pleasure sensations of addiction, unfortunately, one of the downsized to modern technology is we have more access to things which can possibly be addicted, such as online gambling.

A generation or two ago, one would have to go to the bookies, a casino, or join a card school. Fundamentally, today one can gamble away as much as Ms Balaam simply by downloads an app onto a mobile device and enter a credit card number.

if you feel you may have a gambling problem and  would like to talk to someone , Eleos counselling can help . Just click the link below.

 

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Loneliness in the UK

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loneliness_eloscounselingA subject often not talked about has suddenly become popular “loneliness”. A recent report from the National office of statistic claims that Great Britain is the loneliest place in Europe. Statistically, the British, are less likely to bond and make lasting friendships or even know their neighbors.

It’s often quoted that loneliness is an issue for the old, but actually is becoming more and  more an issue for the young, married up with statistics say that the biggest killer of men between the ages of 18 and 34 suicides, the evidence speaks for itself. A statistic from the charity the Samaritans, quoted that one in four men who call the service mentioned loneliness and isolation.

A recent article on radio 4 stated that objects which are plugged into the Internet becoming increasingly popular, stay connected to the cyber world is becoming a paramount importance. This says a lot, that we want to communicate with others however impersonal.

What can the young do to fight loneliness, of the social media can be a boon or very problematic inasmuch that people don’t really say what’s on their mind but rather skirt round the peripheral issues. Maybe one of the services that can be offered through cyberspace is online chat rooms which effectively become group therapy; of course, how one maintains confidentiality and security would have to be looked into what the problem is not insurmountable.

 

Eleos Counseling would be very interested in hearing comments regarding online therapy, or online forums which help support people who are lonely. Please feel free to comment.