Just Look Up

eleos-counselling_just-look-upDuring the summer I was to see something that set me thinking. I was in a large shopping mall; there was a seated area where I was waiting for my wife. A young woman was breastfeeding her baby, under a muslin cloth; nothing wrong with that quite natural but what she was doing while she was breastfeeding her child was looking at her mobile phone.

As someone who teaches anger management, I have learned through my research one of the fundamental ways that we assess threats by looking into the face of our would-be aggressor. We evaluate threats in less than the blinking of an eye quickly making the decision, whether a person is a threat or not a threat.  This response, according to research has found that in early childhood, looking at or mother’s eyes. I wondered, what the young lady breastfeeding her child was teaching her child, what internal message had this baby received from its mother, as she is updating  her Facebook status or text a friend. Experts say

I was recently touched by a post, ironically, on Facebook by a gentleman called Gary Turk, you may have seen this. Turk asked us to look up, from a mobile device, that life can be going by whilst we engage in social media. I urge you to watch this and paradoxically life is as we frantically engage in social media.

I wonder what mixed messages the baby in the arms, of the young lady, engaged with social media, had got from  its mother: who  was too busy engaging social media or texting  even to look at her child  breastfeeding, the most naturally bonding thing a mother can do for its child.

 

 

How do I help somebody who is living with an addiction?

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Looking addiction in a new way, one would realise that the idea of “tough love” makes little or no sense. If it were so easy for a person to stop an addictive behaviour, after “a good talking to” there would possibly be nobody with an addiction in this country. Furthermore, if addictions were some bad habit or even some form of moral weakness, it might make sense to give the person “a good talking to”. In fact, this becomes sensationalist television in the US. One only has to look at YouTube to find various “fly on the wall” documentary series of families of people with addictions, trying to help them. Indeed, one could say this is the worst form of sensationalist television. If a person was lazy or unfocused giving them a good kick up the back side may work, but unfortunately doesn’t a great many times.

If I could ask, you take a different view of addictions a look at this, not as a bad habit, a moral weakness, genetic fault, or some personality trait but looking at addiction as a psychological compulsive behaviour.

Indeed, traditionally, addictions are never considered as a compulsive behaviour, such as compulsive washing of hands, cleaning, exercising or even compulsive shopping. However, looking on these, forms of actions, as emotionally driven behaviours in an effort to manage particularly challenging feelings, may shine a different light on how one can help someone with an addiction.

Dr Lance Dodes MD, director of substance abuse treatment centre at Harvard Maclean hospital, suggest that our traditional view of dependencies needs to change if we were to help someone struggling, with an addiction. Furthermore, he suggests that the psychological drive to be free of pain and be liberated from the sense of helplessness, is a driver behind all addictive behaviours.

This blog originally appeared in counselling directory

 

A new look at relationships?

If modern soap operas are anything to go by, and if as we think of them as our window on our own lives and the lives of others. A week does not seem to go by in soap land before there is some form of infidelity.

Moreover, faithfulness in marriage and the idea of having a faithful eleos counselling blog_a new look at relationshipsmarriage is being challenged not only by the media, soap operas but also in popular culture. We often see portrayed in the press, and the entertainment industry that the idea of infidelity is an enjoyable game for two but, unfortunately, there is a downside.

Often, when the affair has run its course, and the realisation of  the pain and suffering it has caused not only to the two people involved in the relationship but also the individuals who are left at home, the ones who love them and depend on them.

Let’s look at what marriage can mean. After the initial thrill, the couple settled down to the mundane things of life, the cooking and cleaning the earning a living often people will think the grass is greener. But this lawn has to be regularly cut as well.

Often, when one is dating we see the best of each other, but the realisation of marriage and getting on with each other can be an irritating experience, often like those annoying habits were the same things irritated you when you’re with your ex-wife or ex-husband now irritate you with your new partner.

Often you hear discontent people saying that marriage feels confining; often an individual will rile against this, moving from one relationship to another, in a confused and often vain attempt at finding an answer, to a question they often don’t know.

 

The challenge here is instead of looking for the right person, finding the right person to the person you have in front of you. One of the surprises can often be finding the qualities you’re looking for in the person you’re actual with you fell in love with a long time ago. Very often the qualities have always been there, but you’ve chosen to overlook them.

 

“I Wish” lessons from childhood

Recently I saw something that struck a chord with me. A year six teacher spoke about the results of a creative writing project she had given to her class. She asked the kids in the class to complete the following sentence “I wish”.I wish_Eleos counselling blog post

One would think it would be healthy for children so young to write about their desires for a new bike, Xbox, or a new laptop or tablet. But instead of writing for their wishes for the latest high-tech gizmo. 20 of the 30 young kids made reference to the breakup of their families. Furthermore, the internal conflict in their homes and in the statement I wish they added “I wish my father would come back” I wish to get good grades so my dad would love me” “I wish my mother didn’t have a boyfriend.” “I wish I had one mum mum dad.”

Nobody would be surprised to know that the family unit is in trouble. But if you’re like me it is continually distressing that such young children struggle at a time of their lives where they should be having fun, making good relationships, forming real bonds.

Undoubtedly, every aspect of a child’s life is affected when a family breaks up, or there is instability. Without the ability to gain access to professional counselling many of the kids affected this way will drag their problems into future relationships, empirical research has shown.

Undoubtedly, research has shown, that without the proper professional help, the crumbling will repeat itself again and again

Popular misconceptions regarding addiction

The Disease Model of Addiction.

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The idea that addiction is caused by a brain disease is widely muted and has become part of popular culture. With little evidence support this hypothesis or idea, the” disease model” implies that there is a brain disorder called “addiction” which has somehow been caught or passed on genetically, to the person with the problem. Unfortunately, the disease model; as it has been come to be known, overlooks the fundamental human concept of choice; essentially, the idea that a person with an addiction is undertaking an active choice, therefore empowering themselves. Thankfully addicts can choose to recover and are not helpless to their addiction or victims of a brain disease.

Lessons from history about addiction

In the 1970s, high-grade opium and heroin were available to soldiers fighting in Vietnam.  It was approximated that 50% of all enlisted US soldiers serving in that war tried heroin or opium. Roughly 10 to 15% of them became, what could be called, addicted to that drug.

In May 1971 the New York Times ran the headline “GI heroin addiction epidemic in Vietnam” it was thought that the newly discharged veterans returning to the US would join the ranks of the hordes of “junkies” which lived in the inner cities of the US. The President at the time, Richard Nixon, ordered the military to begin drug testing veterans returning to the US. Not one veteran could sit on a plane returning home without passing a urine test. Any veteran found positive could if needed, attend an army sponsored rehabilitation programme: most of the soldiers past this test on the second try.

An interesting thing occurred when the soldiers returned to their civilian lives; they stopped using heroin; it lost its appeal. A drug that helps them in due hours of endless boredom and moments of terror lost its charm. Furthermore, drug culture, the financial price of heroin, and the stigma of arrest and criminal a record, may have been another driver to deterred veterans from using.

Dr Lee Robbins, a sociologist from the University of Washington, conducted a test program in 1972 to 1974.

Dr Robbins found that only 5% of men who have used heroin, in Vietnam, and had become addicted, returned to the drug within ten months after returning from the war zone.  Furthermore, only 12% had a minor relapse within three years. The startling result was counterintuitive to what, at the time, people thought exposed to a narcotic drug such as heroin, would have. In that period, it was thought that addicts would have an unbearable craving which would lead them continually reuse a strong narcotic such as heroin. Addiction specialists at the time heralded these results as groundbreaking, turning over the belief that a person was “once an addict always an addict”. (Satel & Lillienfeld, 2014).

Time to rethink addiction?

Unfortunately, this information laying in textbooks and research papers and was overlooked by the addiction industry. The cliché “once an addict always an addict” was later reinforced in the mid-1990s with a new idea that addiction is a chronic brain disease; this idea was promoted by Alan Leshner, the director of the National Institute of Drug abuse in the US. A person entering rehab would learn that they have a chronic brain disease called “ addiction” also medical schools would teach this model. In the US, the American Society of Addiction Medicine is quoted as saying that “ addiction is a primary, acute disease of the brain’s reward, impulse, memory and relative circuitry” (Medicine, 2011).

Forgotten history

Unfortunately, in so many ways whether US leads the UK follows. Indeed, various drug policy decisions advise to such as Bill Clinton, George W Bush and lately Barrack Obama, have all been briefed regarding the brain disease model, the brain disease model becomes a form of “dogma” and thus taken as truth rather than a form of truth.

Indeed, the brain does take a large part in the addiction process. The idea of a brain disease, by its very nature, implies a lack of control over will, personality and bodily functions certain some addictive behaviours do look like this, but the process is far more complicated. Dr Lance Dodes, in his book Breaking Addiction, makes this comment “the drive for addiction is normal” (Dodes, 2011, p. 40). Dr Dodes makes an interesting argument when he says that addictions are compulsions, Dr Dodes, in fact, says that addictions are a form of displacement behaviour. Fundamentally, when some people find it hard to deal with emotions and feelings, they are displaced to an addictive process. This certainly bears out the research from Vietnam, if you think of young soldiers away from home in an environment that can be incredibly boring one moment and the next moment incredibly stressful.

When one removes that stressful environment, such as returning home to the US that behaviour or compulsion becomes redundant. This view flies in the face of researchers whose dominant view is that addiction is caused by a chronic brain disease that alters the brain. Undoubtedly, taking any form of drug alters the brain. Nevertheless, any interaction alters the brain essentially, what researchers could be witnessing is the idea of neuro- plasticity: in which the brain is constantly changing and adapting to its environment and experience.

Nevertheless, understand the brain of any addict only gives the partial view of why they have become an addict in the first place.

If Dr Dodes hypothesis is right, then the conventional thinking regarding addiction and its treatment may have to be turned on its head. The idea carefully enshrined by 12 step programs that an addict is always an addict and is powerless to his or her substance or behaviour may have to be rethought. In fact, the addict or person caught up in the compulsion or compulsive behaviours is actively making the choice and thus empowering themselves.

Before closing this article, one cannot discount genetic factors, these today are not fully known but the process of addiction partly happens through the action of dopamine, this is one of the brain’s primary neurotransmitters. Normally dopamine surges in the so-called reward pathways or circuits when we embark on a pleasant experience such as eating, sex or other stimuli central to survival; fundamentally this is nature’s way of making us do the same thing again and again, thus ensuring the survival of our race.

The idea of “salience” is an idea offered by neuroscientists to describe the pull of the substance on the addicted person, this can be identified as a sense of desire or wanting or even needing in preference to liking. Neuroscientists have observed the concepts of salience, by tracing the interaction on the neural pathways as they emerge from the underside of the brain (an area called the ventral tegmentum); these neural pathways sweep out into other brain regions such as the  accumbens, hyper campus and the prefrontal cortex all of which are associated with judgement reward, motivation inhibition and planning.

The truth of the matter is that not every person who drinks or use drugs use them continuously over a 24-hour period, in reality, most people who have some form of an addiction get on with everyday life quite well. The polarity at the heart of any addiction is the fact that the capacity to choose not to use drugs coexists with the self-destructiveness of addiction.

Maybe it is time to rethink how we think about treatment of addiction? Rather than seeing this as an action of a weak-willed person turning this on its head and looking at as an action of a very strong willed person who is displacing to the only thing they know will work from at that moment.

We would be interested to hear your comments, please leave them in the comments box.

Reference

 

Dodes, L. (2011). Breaking Addiction: A 7 Step Handbook for Ending Any Addiction. New York: HarperCollins.

Medicine, A. S. O. A. (2011). Public policy statement: definition of addiction (Vol. 2016, pp. Policy statement): American Society of Addiction Medicine

 

Satel, S., & Lillienfeld, S. (2014). Addiction and the brain disease fallacy. [Addiction]. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 4(March 2014).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise improves mental health

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What the experts say

Relaxation is good for the mind; it helps de-stress. But going to the gym can have a similar effect. The BACP, the British Association for counselling and  psychotherapist, issued a statement last year stating that people who exercise three times a week are less likely to suffer from depression. Furthermore, if one does suffer from depression exercising three times a week can have a marked effect on any recovery.

The bodies antidepressant

 

It is a well-known fact that the brain produces its own antidepressant endorphins or happy hormones. Endorphins are a powerful antidepressant with no’s side effects.

The Royal College of psychiatrists has an interesting web-page ;I have put a link to the bottom of this page.

Their findings suggest that exercising helps you sleep better; you be less anxious and able to concentrate as one of the many benefits of regular exercise.

Anybody who exercises regularly  will know the enormous sense of well-being one gets and the feeling of being more energetic.

Benefits for people with PTSD

There is evidence to suggest that, when one focuses on one’s body when exercising this helps your nervous system become more mobilized. Having a nervous system stuck in neutral is one of the symptoms people with PTSD often report.

Paying attention to one’s body and the way is working and being aware of one’s muscles joints, and movement is one way of putting the nervous system back into gear.

There is no suggestion by any of these leading authority that one should go out and start running marathons. If you don’t have time 10 to 30 minutes of exercise regularly, certainly have major benefits to your mental health.

Often having a negative self-image is one of the symptoms of depression. Exercise not only has physical benefits, but there’s also a sense of being more in touch with one’s body, through the process of physical exertion; one notices one joint more, muscles.

Support system

In the height of depression,  it is often said one feels that one cannot face the world. Exercising alone can have its benefits, but what if one starts to exercising groups, there’s the added advantage of meeting new friends and thus increasing your support network, to help you in those times when you cannot meet the world.

 

One of the fears people who suffer from panic attacks is breathing heavily, so some forms of exercise may increase certain anxieties. This doesn’t mean that one cannot take regular exercise. Yoga, tai chi, and mindfulness meditation, also play their part in increasing your well-being.

 

 

Now that summers here it’s time to dust off those running shoes, put on some Lycra, and exercising at least three times a week.

An act of kindness in a hard-nosed world.

Abraham_Lincoln_November_1863It Is often thought that we have to be hard-nosed to be successful in this world. Often people perceive kindness as a form of weakness and vulnerability. Nothing could be further from the truth. An act of kindness signals an incredible inner strength that is often never fully appreciated by others.

The story goes that Abraham Lincoln was hosting a dinner party at the White House. One of his guests poured his coffee into his saucer and blew on it before drinking. I’m sure you can imagine the fine ladies and gentlemen seated nearby were horrified at this social faux pas. Nevertheless, the story goes that, for a moment, the room was filled with an embarrassing silence.

Amazingly Lincoln took his own coffee poured it into his saucer and for the rest of the evening drank it straight out of the saucer, surprisingly everybody in the room followed suit. Therefore, one small act of kindness saved the White House guest an unbelievably embarrassing situation. This thoughtful gesture of one of America’s finest if not the finest president sets an example of kindness.

An act of kindness in life

It wouldn’t be surprised find out you never heard of Stephen Grellet, a French-born Quaker who died in 1855, a relatively minor historical figure except for these few lines which are likely to be remembered forever “I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I do or any kindness that I show to any human being let me do it now”.

Who can you be kind to today?

Each day we have an opportunity to show a small act of kindness to people whether it’s spending a moment talking to someone and asking them how they really feel, rather than be satisfied with a “fine”.

Painkillers may give help to people with suicidal thoughts.

PANews BT_P-14c26646-8ab4-49bb-abc5-6a5e61e6bbdb_I1A recent article in new scientist magazine suggests research undertaken by a joint team of scientists working in America and Israel, have had some success in helping with clients overcome suicidal thoughts. The participants in the study were given painkillers (buprenorphine). The research suggests that there is some improvement in people’s thinking.

In this small study carried out in the US, by this joint team, participants were given the painkiller buprenorphine, because the low risk this carries from an overdose, also, the doses were kept low to carry less risk to the participant. Preliminary results show that people improved their mood on pain relief medication and were able to cope adequately with life.

It is thought that buprenorphine act on a number of opioid receptors in the brain, scientists of unsure which receptors exactly, but there is a promise that giving suicidal patients buprenorphine, may stave off the thoughts of taking their own life’s.

As yet GPs, psychiatrists and mental health professionals have nothing to help clients with suicidal idealization. This research may help thousands of people in the UK. The idea of a pharmaceutical which patients with suicidal thoughts could take to quell these suicidal thoughts has been asked for over 20 years by mental health professionals. Although this research is in its infancy, it certainly shows promising’s signs.

According to the phone helpline charity, the Samaritans   4,722 people in the UK took their own life in 2013, with the largest figure being in the male population at 3,684.

Suicide biggest killer of men between the age of 18 and 34, according to the Samaritans figures.

 

Love the most enduring thing.

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Sad passing

Within the last week, I was to hear about the sad passing of a childhood friend’s father, he had been unwell for a short time, finally passing away, after a short stay in hospital. It may be a sign of my age, but I’m attending more funerals than I am weddings, these days. The man in question really invested in his family, particularly taking an active interest, in my friend’s hobby.

I’d often wish my own father was like this, actively engaging with his sons and having a common bond with them, such as a hobby.

Recently I have been struck by a posting that has been put on Facebook. Which was a copy of the last words of Steve Jobs, the Apple supremo. In which he talked about his work, his wealth and his fame as being worthless, realising that his own pursuit of wealth had made him, what he calls a “twisted being”. Jobs talks about love being the most enduring things, in life.

Paraphrasing Jobs, he talks about material things being lost, but the only thing that will endure is love.

Investing in family

My friend’s father invested in people, particularly his sons. He was a very practical man, but always had time for people.

In 1924 Bill Havens were almost guaranteed to win an Olympic gold medal for canoeing in the Paris games. Nevertheless, with this in mind, he was to learn that his wife was likely to give birth to their first child, whilst he was away competing. His wife was keen for Bill to attend the games, but Bill didn’t want to miss the birth of his first child. Bill was to stay at home and watch his first son Frank being born. There were times when he wondered whether he would have achieved his gold medal, but never regretted seeing the birth of his first child.

Just like my friend’s father, Bill poured his life into his son. After 24 years the Olympic Games were being held in Finland. This time it was Bill’s son Franks turn to compete for the gold medal, in canoeing. Frank was to telegraph bill with this message “thanks for waiting around for me to be born, I came home with the gold medal”.

 Are you neglecting family?

For Bill Havens family always came first. As with Steve jobs, Bill Havens realised that accolades tarnish, the same way the gold medals do. Are you neglecting your family today? If so think about it, neglecting them may have grave consequences?

Your sex is not defined by your brain?

black-and-white picture of brain_eleoscounselling

 

A recent article in new scientist debunks the idea, of male and female brains. After scanning more than 1,400 brains, scientists at Tel Aviv University revealed there is no difference between male and female brains. Although male brains are known to be bigger, than female brains the features inside that brain do not differ greatly.

The idea that, when a baby boy is developing in the womb, and when testicles are formed these discharge testosterones which defines the brain as male, has now been disproved by research.

When the research group in Tel Aviv looked at 1400 magnetic image residence scans of subjects between the ages of 13 and 85, they found very little variance between male and female brains.

One interesting, spin off from this research is that the team found is that there are variations in the size of brain areas, as well as the interconnections between them. The researchers found 29 brain regions, but in general seem to be of different sizes between people who identify themselves as male or female. These include the hippocampus, which is involved in the laying down of memories and an area of the brain, which is considered to play a major role in risk aversion called the inferior frontal gyrus.

When the researchers looked at individual brain scans they found that they had very few people that have all the brain features they would expect, based on their sex. In fact, across the 1,400 brain scans, the research looked at, between 0 % and 8% of the people had all male or all female brains depending on a definition used in the past.

It is thought that we all somewhere along the continuum, with a mix of brain attributes that would define as individuals.

Researchers at the University of Tel Aviv commented saying that most people are in the middle.

 

Gender myths

Men are preoccupied with sex.

Many studies have verified that men have more casual sex than women. Nevertheless, the female sexual appetite may be underestimated. Women in general are likely to downplay the use of pornography or masturbation while men tend to exaggerate their use.

Women tend to be bigger gossips than men.

Is a common held belief that women are better communicators than men. The reality is gender difference in verbal abilities is very small. In fact, in some posts specific skills, men outclass women.

Boys are better at maths than girls.

An analysis of 240 studies found that girls and boys are equally matched when it comes to maths. The variable is girls tend to perform as well boys in countries where there is more gender equality.